Inner Mean Girl Cleanse

Well, this is exciting! Has there ever been a time your life when the thing you needed most just seemed to drop right into your lap? There was a time when I was freshly living on my own, nearly penniless and desperately needing a pair of pants since all two pairs at home were threadbare. I remember needing pants yet also needing as much of my hard earned money for food. It was a tough decision to make but figured if I spent $8 on a pair of pants at the thrift store I could figure out a cheaper menu for those two weeks until pay day. I found a pair in my size, nearly new, for $8 no less, and took them home. I put them on the next day and put my hands in the pockets to see how they felt and pulled out a folded $20 bill. I was speechless. Like pennies from heaven, this overlooked donation was my blessing. What I needed at that moment fell right into my lap.



Flash forward 12 years later and enter the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse, something I desperately need at this very moment. As a woman, I am terribly hard on myself. I feel like I am fumbling through life, multitasking every minute and yet never accomplishing everything I would like. I berate myself for my faults. I chide my inability to do more. I get down on myself because Jane can do this and Jacklyn can do that. I am constantly comparing myself and putting myself down in the process without even realizing it. I am in open combat with my inner mean girl and never knew the chick existed.

This summer, I have been in a process of reclaiming my life, my health and my center and yet I still struggle daily with all the things that I am 'suppose' to be doing. I tell myself I shouldn't be on the treadmill when the dishes need to be done. I get anxious after buying non-local foods, or realize how much packaging a product had once I get it home. My garden stands weed-filled and neglected while I toil away inside getting ready for another school year. In the end, all the pressures amount to one big giant mass of guilt, aka my mean girl masquerading around reminding me of how much I fall short of my goals.

I need respite but rather than give up gardening, simplicity, homesteading and homeschooling I need to find a way to deal with the guilt, the pressure and the expectations. I need permission to do my best and be happy with that. The only way I am going to accomplish that is by banishing my inner mean girl.